A lot has changed in my life as of late..
New friendships, as well as demolished ones.
New opportunities, new interests, new loves, as well as new hates.
I think, as the days go by, we begin to realise things.
People we love change, as do people we hate.
We befriend those we never thought we would, and begin to despise those we thought we loved most.
I love changes, good and bad.
They keep you guessing, and make life more interesting.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I can breathe.
:)
Everything is a little better nowadays.
I got the school bullshit out of my system, and me and Tony had a chat.. geez that man loves me.
So, its Mackillop Day tomorrow and I'm having drinkies :P Totally gonna vomit in church. NOT REALLY. I'm definitely not that badass.
I like breathing. Slow breathing. It's relaxing and thought provoking. I don't even know what I'm talking about now, haha.
This blog is so pointless.
MORAL OF THE BLOG: I'm doing fine. :)))
Everything is a little better nowadays.
I got the school bullshit out of my system, and me and Tony had a chat.. geez that man loves me.
So, its Mackillop Day tomorrow and I'm having drinkies :P Totally gonna vomit in church. NOT REALLY. I'm definitely not that badass.
I like breathing. Slow breathing. It's relaxing and thought provoking. I don't even know what I'm talking about now, haha.
This blog is so pointless.
MORAL OF THE BLOG: I'm doing fine. :)))
Monday, July 27, 2009
Wishing.. to no avail.
Okay so its 1.19am and I can't sleep.
No surprises there.
I can never sleep.
It's like I'm a fucking bat or something.
I was just thinking.. about the people that are most important to us in our lives, whether it be our mothers, or fathers, siblings, lovers or even a best friend. How much do we really know about them? Sure, we know what they've told us.. and how they are feeling on the surface, but is there even any truth in that? Do they have an ulterior motive? Are they just trying to make us happy? To shut us up? To stop us asking questions?
I feel.. funny at the moment. Its so wierd.. I feel like, like, like I don't even know my best friend. I think about all the time we've spent together, and about her reactions to certain events and people, and how they've changed, for whatever reason.. and I've realised.. I don't know her at all.
I wish she would talk to me, there is so much I want to share with her, but, I feel as if I can't. I guess our relationship has dwindled into pretty much nothing, I'm just an associate, a stranger she has taken pity on. Its upsetting me, because, the more I think about it, the more I feel as if I have never even known her. I try to think about things she thinks, or what she would do in certain situations, but, unless it is blatantly obvious, I can't come to any sound resolution.. because I honestly don't know.
And then it's times like these, when I realise that silence does mean everything. Her silence, to me, shows that either:
a) She couldn't care less about the subject being discussed, or blurted out by me.. or that
b) She's disappointed, or deeply hurt by something I've said, and won't tell me whats going on.
The worst part is, I never know when she really needs me. To be honest, I don't think she needs me at all, I think she just needs her father, her lover, and her sister. I guess it's hard to deal with though, because I need her, especially now of all times. I want to tell her how I feel, and have a bit of a cry and a laugh about how stupid and ridiculous it is, I want to tell her about the new and exciting things in my life, I want to tell her everything. I want to tell her how I miss her, and how I'm sorry for everything, and how I wish I could be there for her, like she always has been for me. I wish she felt like she could tell me things.
I wish I knew what to do with my life. I wish things weren't as complicated as they are. But right now, I wish that I could sleep. It's driving me absolutely fucking crazy, this no sleeping bullshit.. It's like, I can't sleep alone anymore. Or maybe it's just here.. maybe being in this big, cold, dark house alone has finally gotten to me. Agh. This house. I have a dangerous romance with it. I love being here, but it isolates me from everyone, and maybe I like that? But I think it's bad for me. My personality thrives on people, whether they're my friend, or treating me like a piece of shit. Oh my god, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.
It's 1.40am, and I'm going to try and sleep. Again. :|
No surprises there.
I can never sleep.
It's like I'm a fucking bat or something.
I was just thinking.. about the people that are most important to us in our lives, whether it be our mothers, or fathers, siblings, lovers or even a best friend. How much do we really know about them? Sure, we know what they've told us.. and how they are feeling on the surface, but is there even any truth in that? Do they have an ulterior motive? Are they just trying to make us happy? To shut us up? To stop us asking questions?
I feel.. funny at the moment. Its so wierd.. I feel like, like, like I don't even know my best friend. I think about all the time we've spent together, and about her reactions to certain events and people, and how they've changed, for whatever reason.. and I've realised.. I don't know her at all.
I wish she would talk to me, there is so much I want to share with her, but, I feel as if I can't. I guess our relationship has dwindled into pretty much nothing, I'm just an associate, a stranger she has taken pity on. Its upsetting me, because, the more I think about it, the more I feel as if I have never even known her. I try to think about things she thinks, or what she would do in certain situations, but, unless it is blatantly obvious, I can't come to any sound resolution.. because I honestly don't know.
And then it's times like these, when I realise that silence does mean everything. Her silence, to me, shows that either:
a) She couldn't care less about the subject being discussed, or blurted out by me.. or that
b) She's disappointed, or deeply hurt by something I've said, and won't tell me whats going on.
The worst part is, I never know when she really needs me. To be honest, I don't think she needs me at all, I think she just needs her father, her lover, and her sister. I guess it's hard to deal with though, because I need her, especially now of all times. I want to tell her how I feel, and have a bit of a cry and a laugh about how stupid and ridiculous it is, I want to tell her about the new and exciting things in my life, I want to tell her everything. I want to tell her how I miss her, and how I'm sorry for everything, and how I wish I could be there for her, like she always has been for me. I wish she felt like she could tell me things.
I wish I knew what to do with my life. I wish things weren't as complicated as they are. But right now, I wish that I could sleep. It's driving me absolutely fucking crazy, this no sleeping bullshit.. It's like, I can't sleep alone anymore. Or maybe it's just here.. maybe being in this big, cold, dark house alone has finally gotten to me. Agh. This house. I have a dangerous romance with it. I love being here, but it isolates me from everyone, and maybe I like that? But I think it's bad for me. My personality thrives on people, whether they're my friend, or treating me like a piece of shit. Oh my god, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.
It's 1.40am, and I'm going to try and sleep. Again. :|
Sunday, July 26, 2009
We don't have much room to live.
This song is amazing. I know I say that about a lot of songs, but this one actually is. It makes me.. I don't know, it makes me feel so many different emotions. I feel miserable, I feel enlightened, I feel awake, I feel like walking in the rain. I don't know if a song has ever made me feel as many emotions at once as this one has.
It goes for nine minutes, and twenty nine seconds. On the surface, its about love, and cheating. The lyrics "and you're restless, and I'm naked, you gotta get out, you cant stand to see me shaking" prove this. It explores the dark, addictive and beautiful sides of passion, and is mainly about how the vocalist cheated on his girlfriend at the time, Krystal.
Konstantine, I think, is a play on words. Konfusion with a K, Konstant with a K. Andrew (the vocalist) and his girlfriend were on and off, always breaking up, and getting back together, so constant is a thing he wishes their relationship was.
When he mentions 11:11, I think he's referring to the story that goes around where you are supposed to make a wish at 11.11. The wish, is related to the relationship, and how he wishes he hadn't cheated on her, and hurt her.. and that their relationship was better.
This song actually makes me cry.
Good Friend.
This weekend was actually brilliant.
Friday, 24th July, 2009.
I'm thinking it began on the Friday, the twenty-fourth of July, two thousand and nine. The day went terribly slowly, which was uber-depressing, but whatevs', it was worth it. :) Anyway, after school I made my way to the Church where I was picked up by my good friend Taties (Josh). As we exited the premises we saw Mr. Chai Jeffery, walking towards the Church, and Josh, after having his head nicely shaved, frantically bleeped the horn and threw his limbs about. The look on Chai's face was priceless. It was the best confused facial expression I've ever seen. We then drove to South West Hobbies and Games (a.k.a Sids, or The Shop) and I got changed into some informal clothes, and out of my snobby looking MacKillop Catholic College school uniform. I spent the next hour or so watching Clam (Callum/Camel, whatevs.), Taties and Sid (his name is also Josh, but lets just pretend its not.. too confusing) playing a racing game on the computer and listening to Little Josh (stupid little irritating faggotty prick of a 14yo tween that happens to like it there) ranting on about god knows what.
At about 0430, Josh, Callum and I ventured into Dunsborough to pick Brad up from work. He showered, I said 'hello' to Xena (Brad's staffie) and then we set off for Busselton. Once we got there, we indulged in McDonalds (yes, I had a Jaz moment, and couldn't swipe my card. Highly embarrassing.), huge, I know and then we went back to Sids so the kids could play M10 (the new set of Magic: The Gathering). They played Sealed, which went for a few hours, and after that played Draft, which went for a bit longer. It was pretty fun, I hung out with my friend Jess, and we fetched refreshments every now and then for the boys. Little Josh continued to provide much discomfort, and even made a nasty comment about Brad and Sam (Jess' boyfriend) learning to choose better girlfriends. Of course I then retaliated with some cruel threat and glared at him for the rest of the night, not that I hadn't been slightly aggravating him already. :P
We left pretty late, I don't exactly remember the time. When we got home, I stayed up a little while and chatted to Brad's mum, and she showed me some hilarious baby pictures of Brad. That was definitely a highlight. www.mulletsrus.com/hahabradhadamullet! :P
Then it was bedtime. :)
Saturday, 25th July, 2009.
Today was an exceptional day. We awoke, Brad got up and had a shower.. I just layed around for a few more minutes, wishing I was still asleep. :) After having an awesome shower and packing, we set off for Rockingham, W.A. There was a slight battle of wills, between Brad and Deb, and Peter about what to get for breakfast, McDonalds? Or Hungry Jacks? Anyway, McDonalds won, and we got Bacon and Egg McMuffins. Mmmmm. I played Plants vs. Zombies on Brad's Eeepc on the way up, and Brad slept. :)
When we got to Kiels (Brad's best friend), there were hugs a-plenty. :) I got to meet Emma (Kiel's girlfriend) and see Kiel again. Emma got ready for work, and we just hung about, not doing much. We dropped Emma off at work at about 1pm, and then went and got some Hungry Jacks :). After HJs we went to Mundijong, where Brad's aunty lived, and the surprise party for his Nan was being held, and.. we passed a LLAMA FARM!!! That was cool. I met the family, they were all pretty neat, smiley and all welcoming. :) When Brad's Nan showed up it was really cute, she totally started crying because she was so shocked and happy! :D I met the two cutest babies I've ever seen, and this cousin of Brad's called Dale, who is pretty much Mitchell, but the Rockingham version. :) Brad and Kiel discovered this awesome Pinball machine, that had this big scary fish and a seedy old man pelican smoking a pipe on it. The cake was pretty damn fine. Then Wyn showed up with his friend Kyle, and we ended up leaving. Wyn and Kyle were hell hungry so we went back to Hungry Jacks and sat with them while they om nom nommed some burgers and chips. Wyn (Brad's other best friend, is pretty much the most hilarious, quick witted jerk I've ever met.) ripped into everyone, as he does, and made a few racist "Nigga" remarks. 'Twas hilarious, because after he'd made a completely insulted every Indigenous person ever he noticed there was one at the cash register and shat, and said that he'd probably get "Nigga-knifed" (to be attacked with a smashed glass bottle, by an Indigenous person). There was a mother with some small children nearby, glaring in our direction, I think she was pretty insulted.
We picked Emma up from work at 7pm, and that was the end to our meeting with Wyn (they dont get along very well). But that was okay, cos we went to TIMEZONE! We played the candy - winning machine, Kiel and Emma owning, me and Brad failing, epicly. We also played Mario Kart a few times, I won against Brad once! :D That was pretty good. :P Uhhh, Brad and Kiel played Dance Dance Revolution and Air Hockey and some random other things, and Emma owned the skill testers (I totally got Thumpers girlf from it! :D (you know, Thumper from Bambi)). Oi, we also got these awesome photos taken in those asian photobooth things! (My eyes were obviously closed in half of them. Ahahah.)
When we went home, I had some Vodka and juice, Kiel plaited my hair, it was really cute :P and we watched Hercules, Brad being the only one who could keep his eyes open. Kiel and Emma fell asleep pretty much right away, and me and Brad bailed after Megara sang 'I won't say I'm in Love.' I had a pretty awesome sleep that night. :)
Sunday, July 26th, 2009.
Today I awoke at about 10.30am and got up soon after. We had toasted ham and cheese sandwhiches for breakfast/brunch. :) We didn't really do much that day.. we just kind of hung around again. :) Listened to some musics, had some hugs. :D. I got to meet Matt, another friend of Brad's. He was pretty awesome. Emma went to work.. I gots a curly wurly and a mocha, we went back to Kiels, had chats, and then Brad's parents came to get us. The trip back was kind of nice actually, I got to semi-nap and talk to Brad and his parents about the events of the weekend. Then I returned to Capel, and well, here I am, writing this. :)
I don't know how awesome my weekend sounds to you, but if you knew Kiel, Brad or even Wyn, you would understand how awesome and fun it was. Multiple hugs from Brad and Kiel. :D <3 <3
Friday, 24th July, 2009.
I'm thinking it began on the Friday, the twenty-fourth of July, two thousand and nine. The day went terribly slowly, which was uber-depressing, but whatevs', it was worth it. :) Anyway, after school I made my way to the Church where I was picked up by my good friend Taties (Josh). As we exited the premises we saw Mr. Chai Jeffery, walking towards the Church, and Josh, after having his head nicely shaved, frantically bleeped the horn and threw his limbs about. The look on Chai's face was priceless. It was the best confused facial expression I've ever seen. We then drove to South West Hobbies and Games (a.k.a Sids, or The Shop) and I got changed into some informal clothes, and out of my snobby looking MacKillop Catholic College school uniform. I spent the next hour or so watching Clam (Callum/Camel, whatevs.), Taties and Sid (his name is also Josh, but lets just pretend its not.. too confusing) playing a racing game on the computer and listening to Little Josh (stupid little irritating faggotty prick of a 14yo tween that happens to like it there) ranting on about god knows what.
At about 0430, Josh, Callum and I ventured into Dunsborough to pick Brad up from work. He showered, I said 'hello' to Xena (Brad's staffie) and then we set off for Busselton. Once we got there, we indulged in McDonalds (yes, I had a Jaz moment, and couldn't swipe my card. Highly embarrassing.), huge, I know and then we went back to Sids so the kids could play M10 (the new set of Magic: The Gathering). They played Sealed, which went for a few hours, and after that played Draft, which went for a bit longer. It was pretty fun, I hung out with my friend Jess, and we fetched refreshments every now and then for the boys. Little Josh continued to provide much discomfort, and even made a nasty comment about Brad and Sam (Jess' boyfriend) learning to choose better girlfriends. Of course I then retaliated with some cruel threat and glared at him for the rest of the night, not that I hadn't been slightly aggravating him already. :P
We left pretty late, I don't exactly remember the time. When we got home, I stayed up a little while and chatted to Brad's mum, and she showed me some hilarious baby pictures of Brad. That was definitely a highlight. www.mulletsrus.com/hahabradhadamullet! :P
Then it was bedtime. :)
Saturday, 25th July, 2009.
Today was an exceptional day. We awoke, Brad got up and had a shower.. I just layed around for a few more minutes, wishing I was still asleep. :) After having an awesome shower and packing, we set off for Rockingham, W.A. There was a slight battle of wills, between Brad and Deb, and Peter about what to get for breakfast, McDonalds? Or Hungry Jacks? Anyway, McDonalds won, and we got Bacon and Egg McMuffins. Mmmmm. I played Plants vs. Zombies on Brad's Eeepc on the way up, and Brad slept. :)
When we got to Kiels (Brad's best friend), there were hugs a-plenty. :) I got to meet Emma (Kiel's girlfriend) and see Kiel again. Emma got ready for work, and we just hung about, not doing much. We dropped Emma off at work at about 1pm, and then went and got some Hungry Jacks :). After HJs we went to Mundijong, where Brad's aunty lived, and the surprise party for his Nan was being held, and.. we passed a LLAMA FARM!!! That was cool. I met the family, they were all pretty neat, smiley and all welcoming. :) When Brad's Nan showed up it was really cute, she totally started crying because she was so shocked and happy! :D I met the two cutest babies I've ever seen, and this cousin of Brad's called Dale, who is pretty much Mitchell, but the Rockingham version. :) Brad and Kiel discovered this awesome Pinball machine, that had this big scary fish and a seedy old man pelican smoking a pipe on it. The cake was pretty damn fine. Then Wyn showed up with his friend Kyle, and we ended up leaving. Wyn and Kyle were hell hungry so we went back to Hungry Jacks and sat with them while they om nom nommed some burgers and chips. Wyn (Brad's other best friend, is pretty much the most hilarious, quick witted jerk I've ever met.) ripped into everyone, as he does, and made a few racist "Nigga" remarks. 'Twas hilarious, because after he'd made a completely insulted every Indigenous person ever he noticed there was one at the cash register and shat, and said that he'd probably get "Nigga-knifed" (to be attacked with a smashed glass bottle, by an Indigenous person). There was a mother with some small children nearby, glaring in our direction, I think she was pretty insulted.
We picked Emma up from work at 7pm, and that was the end to our meeting with Wyn (they dont get along very well). But that was okay, cos we went to TIMEZONE! We played the candy - winning machine, Kiel and Emma owning, me and Brad failing, epicly. We also played Mario Kart a few times, I won against Brad once! :D That was pretty good. :P Uhhh, Brad and Kiel played Dance Dance Revolution and Air Hockey and some random other things, and Emma owned the skill testers (I totally got Thumpers girlf from it! :D (you know, Thumper from Bambi)). Oi, we also got these awesome photos taken in those asian photobooth things! (My eyes were obviously closed in half of them. Ahahah.)
When we went home, I had some Vodka and juice, Kiel plaited my hair, it was really cute :P and we watched Hercules, Brad being the only one who could keep his eyes open. Kiel and Emma fell asleep pretty much right away, and me and Brad bailed after Megara sang 'I won't say I'm in Love.' I had a pretty awesome sleep that night. :)
Sunday, July 26th, 2009.
Today I awoke at about 10.30am and got up soon after. We had toasted ham and cheese sandwhiches for breakfast/brunch. :) We didn't really do much that day.. we just kind of hung around again. :) Listened to some musics, had some hugs. :D. I got to meet Matt, another friend of Brad's. He was pretty awesome. Emma went to work.. I gots a curly wurly and a mocha, we went back to Kiels, had chats, and then Brad's parents came to get us. The trip back was kind of nice actually, I got to semi-nap and talk to Brad and his parents about the events of the weekend. Then I returned to Capel, and well, here I am, writing this. :)
I don't know how awesome my weekend sounds to you, but if you knew Kiel, Brad or even Wyn, you would understand how awesome and fun it was. Multiple hugs from Brad and Kiel. :D <3 <3
Ultimate Break - Up Song
Hello all.
Pretty sure that this song here, its called Break Myself, by Something Corporate is the best break-up song ever. Haha. Its an amazing song in general, but its also pretty good at releasing bad emotional tension from your body. I hell love it.
Pretty sure that this song here, its called Break Myself, by Something Corporate is the best break-up song ever. Haha. Its an amazing song in general, but its also pretty good at releasing bad emotional tension from your body. I hell love it.
I'm on fire
And the day is feeling hopeless
You'd see me burning but the burning's turning smokeless
Soon I won't feel at all
No
It's electric the neon hurt inside your phone call
The layered sadness and the madness it revolves
Bringing down the walls where you found her
No
Well, I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much
And now I'm static
As your sky is turning purple and gray
I'm learning that the further that I crawl
The farther that I fall, is that ok?
No
And you're in pieces
As your world becomes a rainstorm
You've got no shelter I'm a thousand miles away
If you survive the day
You say your leaving
You say your leaving
Well, I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much
So you don't hurt so much
Never again will we fire this gun
No never again your the only one
No never again but you're already gone.
I'm willing to break myself
I'm not afraid
I'm willing to break myself
I'm not afraid
I'm willing to break myself
I'm not afraid
Well, I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much
So much
So much
So much
So much
Spielende!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Schooling = Over
Ahem.
This post is the official announcement of my, to put it bluntly, dropping out of MacKillop Catholic College, situated in Hell, and by Hell, I mean Busselton.
Feel free to post me hate mail comments telling me how pathetic I am being, I do expect that, as I know, most, if not all of my friends disapprove of my leaving school, just as they disapproved of my slutty act of having sex with my boyfriend, right? Fucking hell.
I shall end this short post with one question..
Why stay at school when you are only going to fail? Isn't it more logical to quit while you're ahead, and just redo the year with minimum stress and no TEE.. seeing as you're just going to fail anyway?
This post is the official announcement of my, to put it bluntly, dropping out of MacKillop Catholic College, situated in Hell, and by Hell, I mean Busselton.
Feel free to post me hate mail comments telling me how pathetic I am being, I do expect that, as I know, most, if not all of my friends disapprove of my leaving school, just as they disapproved of my slutty act of having sex with my boyfriend, right? Fucking hell.
I shall end this short post with one question..
Why stay at school when you are only going to fail? Isn't it more logical to quit while you're ahead, and just redo the year with minimum stress and no TEE.. seeing as you're just going to fail anyway?
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